Parenting a Teenager - Stop Doing This Number 3

empowering your teenager Mar 26, 2023

As a parent with a teenager … Do You feel like your teenager is always running late, are they unorganized, do they leave a mess everywhere they go?  Are they just plain lazy?

 

Today I am going to reveal the number 3 item on our list of the top 10 things you need to stop doing as the parent of a teenager… and I will also share what you can do instead. 

 

Making this shift will turn around that disorganized and lazy child. Before you know it you will be telling all of your friends how awesome your teen is.   

 

So here we go.

 

The number 3 item on our list of the top 10 things you need to stop doing as the parent of a teenager is to 

 

Stop nagging them.

 

Let me say that again… I am asking that you stop nagging them.

 

Now I know what some of you are thinking.  But if I don’t stay on them they will never get out the door in the morning, get their homework done, clean their room or any of the other things they are supposed to do.

 

But here is the question… Has all of your nagging made anything better?   

 

  •  Has your constantly late teenager suddenly become the first one ready whenever you are going somewhere?
  •  Has the completion of their homework gone from being a major concern to something you never have to think about?
  •  Has their unorganized room magically become organized?

 

My guess is probably not.

 

So what is the alternative… What can you do instead?

 

To set some context let me share one of the fundamental premises I teach here at the Family Enrichment Academy.

 

All bad or unwanted behavior is a call for love.   

 

Think of it this way when you respond out of your disappointment, frustration, anger or any other fear based emotion you will always damage the relationship and inhibit growth and development

 

On the other hand when you respond out of compassion, gratitude, forgiveness or any of the other love based emotions you will always heal the relationship and enhance growth and development.   

 

With this in mind, I am going to recommend that instead of continuing to nag your teenager that you engage with concern.  

 

Here is what that might sound like.

 

The next time your teenager is dragging their feet and putting off getting started on their homework you say with compassion:

 

Looks like you are having trouble getting started with your homework. I know this has been a sore spot with us but right now I am more concerned about you than the homework.   Are you doing okay?  Are you feeling overwhelmed with school? Or are there any issues with your friends?

 

Can you see how this approach rebuilds the connection between you and your teen?  Also, you are now in a position to use the empowerment coaching skill we teach to help your son or daughter overcome any underlying issues and develop a plan for going forward. 

 

By replacing the fear based response of nagging with the love based response of genuine concern you will completely shift the dynamic of these problem areas.  Your teen will go from being closed off and not open to growth .  To be vulnerable and ready for your help.   

 

And here is why.   When you engage with concern you are letting your son or daughter know that you see them for who they are and more importantly you love them unconditionally.  

 

This is in contrast to the underlying message you send when you nag your teenager.  The message that the task is more important than they are… and that your love is conditional upon them doing what they are supposed to do. 

 

So there you have it… the number 3 item on our list of the top 10 things you need to stop doing as the parent of a teenager and what you can do instead.

 

Stop nagging your teen.

 

What can you do instead?  Engage with concern.

 

Your family enrichment coach,

 

Jim White  

THE SECRET TO GETTING YOUR TEENAGER TO OPEN UP AND TALK...

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